FortuneFax
HELENA
BUSINESS & ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY 2-25-02
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BAD JOKE MONDAY
Are the Volkswagen
Beetles made in the year 2000, Y2K Bugs?
Dale Roberson
***
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain. Dolly Parton
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Did you ever
notice when you put "THE" and "IRS"
together it spells "THEIRS".
***
Death and taxes may be
certain,
but we don't have to die every year. Unknown
***
People who complain about
taxes can be divided into
two classes: men and women. Unknown
***
Taxation WITH representation
ain't much fun either.
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The factory of the future
will have two employees, a man and a dog.
The man will be there to feed the dog and the dog is
there
to keep the man from touching the computers.
***
Love your neighbor, but
don't pull down your hedge. Ben Franklin
***
Failure
seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure. Jack Lemmon
***
In
order to succeed, your desire for success
should be greater than your fear of failure. Bill Cosby
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Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it. Here are the 2001 winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a
serious bummer.
***
It is better to die on
your feet than to live on your knees. Dolores Ibarruri
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Proverbs 16:13 Kings take
pleasure in honest lips;
they value a man who speaks the truth.
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The 4 year old talked while the
doctor was checking her heart. Finally, he said,
"Shhh, I have to see if Barney is in there."
The child looked at him and said, "Barney is on my
underwear, Jesus is in my heart."
***
Thanks
to television, for the first time the young are
seeing history made before it is censored by their
elders. Margaret Meade
***
The tragedy of life is not
that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it. W. M. Lewis
***
FortuneFax Link of the
Week: POTUS:
Presidents of the United States
http:/www.ipl.org/ref/POTUS
Background information, election
results, and points of interest on each of the
presidents. Links to biographies, historical documents,
audio and video files, and other presidential sites are
also included to enrich this site.
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A TRULY BAD PUN
Mahatma Gandhi, as you
know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh,
man, this is so bad, it's good)
A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.
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What's another word
for thesaurus?
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THIS
WEEKS BONUS
FROM THE FAMOUS BOB PANCICH
Feudalism - You have two cows. Your lord
takes some of the milk.
Fascism - You have two cows. The
government takes both, hires you to take care of them,
and sells you the milk.
Communism - You have two cows. Your
neighbors help take care of them and you share the milk.
Totalitarianism - You have two cows. The
government takes them both and denies they ever existed
and drafts you into the army. Milk is banned.
Capitalism - You have two cows. You sell
one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron - You have two cows. You sell
three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a
tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder
who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your
listed company. The annual report says the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more
Have a
fantastic week everybody!
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Did we miss
anyone with this week's FORTUNEFAX ?
To be added,
subtracted, or to advertise in FortuneFax, fax
495-8819 or call 495-9554 or e-mail fortune@HelenaMail.com. FortuneFax is distributed every
week to hundreds of Helena area businesses by Partners of
Success. Pass it on! Editor Del Lonnquist
Thanks.
May good fortune smile on you the whole week through! Ed.
©.Partners of
Success 2001. All rights reserved.
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The
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