MontanaFacts&Fun
Montana
News/Entertainment Weekly For 4-7-03
*******************************************
BAD JOKE
MONDAY
Microchips: what's left at the
bottom of the bag when it reaches you.
***
Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your
hair.
***
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click
interface.
***
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
*******************************************
INSTRUCTIONS
FOR LIFE
Be aware that a halo has to fall
only a few inches to be a noose.
*******************************************
FREE!
DINNER FOR TWO AT
PERKIN'S FAMILY RESTAURANT AND BAKERY
Cedar Street & I-15 - Helena, Montana
Open 24 hours - Great Family Dining
Free dinner includes entree, drinks and dessert.
Winner will be drawn at 5 PM Tuesday 4-8-03.
TO ENTER SEND E-MAIL TO
fortune@mtsky.com
Just say "YES, I'll take the dinner for two!"
Name
________________________________Phone__________________
*******************************************
THOUGHTS
WHILE WAITING TO TESTIFY
AT A LEGISLATIVE HEARING
"Live
so that you wouldn't mind selling your pet parrot to the
town gossip."
Will Rogers
***
"The only things in the middle of the road are
yellow stripes and dead armadillos."
Jim Hightower
***
"Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much." John
Wayne
***
"A dose of adversity is often as needful as a dose
of medicine"
Old West Saying
***
"A person reveals his character by nothing so
clearly as the joke he resents."
Lichtenberg
***
Human
subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful,
more simple
or more direct than does Nature, because in her
inventions, nothing is
lacking and nothing is superfluous. Leonardo
da Vinci,
***
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott
Adams
***
You think
your pains and heartbreaks are unprecedented in the
history of
the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me
that the things
that tormented me were the very things that connected me
with all the
people who were alive, or who have ever been alive. James
Baldwin
***
Once you
have decided to keep a certain pile, it is no longer
yours;
for you can't spend it. Michel De
Montaigne
***
Great
spirits have always encountered
violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein
***
The
great acts of love are done,
by those who are habitually performing small acts of
kindness.
***
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a
relative,
a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -Franklin P.
Jones
*******************************************
SESSION
STATISTICS AS OF 4/4/03
Introduced Bills:
1348 * Unintroduced Bills: 852 * Total: 2200
Bills Active in the House: 98 * Bills Active in the
Senate: 126
Resolutions Adopted: 28 * Bills on Governor's Desk: 39
Bills Signed by Governor: 229
Bills Returned with Governor's Amendments/Line Item Veto:
4
Bills in Conference/Free Conference Committee Process: 3
Bills Tabled in House Committee: 49
Bills Indefinitely Postponed in Senate Committee: 50
Failed/Probably Dead * House: 326 * Senate: 192
Drafts Cancelled: 343
*******************************************
Bumper sticker seen near Cistern,
TX, in the heart of cattle
-ranching country: Seven Days Without Beef Makes
One Weak.
***
“No man in the world has more courage than the man
who can stop after eating one peanut.” Channing
Pollack
***
“Youth is a disease from which we all recover.”
Dorothy Fulheim
***
Why do tug boats push their barges?
*******************************************
HERE
ARE SOME CODES KIDS USE WHEN
Instant Messaging
POS - Parent is over my shoulder so watch what you say
POP - Parent
is on prowl and could walk in any moment
SOS - Sibling over shoulder who will
tell on me
ASL - What's your age, sex and
location?
TTYL - Talk to you later
BRB - Be right back
HHOK - Ha hah, only kidding
MOATM - Music on at the moment
LQ - Laughing quietly because someone
is in the room
G2G
- Gotta
go!
CTN - Can't talk now
KEEPING
KIDS SAFE ON THE INTERNET
Kim Komando
Internet Ten Commandements
http://www.komando.com/kimskidscontract.html
*******************************************
California Smog Test - Can
UCLA
***
SIGNS ON
LANDSCAPE TRUCK
"Instant
Grassification" and "Sodisfaction
Guaranteed."
*******************************************
OH,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I NEEDED TO KNOW THIS!
Winter
isn't cold, it's heat challenged.
***
If your mutt is always growling angrily, it must be
because he's a cross breed.
*******************************************
Fortune
Cookies
"Learn
to enjoy your own company.
You are the one person you can count on living with you
for the rest of your life."
***
Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!
*******************************************
Proverbs
2:7
He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
*******************************************
WOULD
BE HEADLINES
PROTESTORS: March Planned
For Next August
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked - Thief Gives Police The Slip
Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through *******************************************
OWIM
(Oh Well It’s Monday)
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly
do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*******************************************
 FLY THE FLAG! EVERY
DAY IS A VETERANS DAY
*******************************************
KEEP IN
TOUCH! FOR MILITARY FAMILIES
Help our troops stay in
touch with their loved ones.
Go to: http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/military,
Access the Federal Communications Commission's program,
"Calling Home,"
which lists several options for making calls cheaper and
more accessible for
Defense personnel and their families
*******************************************
Click Here For : WHAT
IS AN AMERICAN
*******************************************
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Thanks a lot for letting us come into your homes every
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or lease our list of subscribers to anyone, at anytime.
(The Small Print) Copyright 2003, The
MontanaFacts&Fun Newsletter. All rights reserved.
Information in this document is provided without warranty
of any kind, expressed or implied, including but not
limited to the implied warranties of , fitness for a
particular purpose and freedom from infringement. The
user assumes the entire risk as to the accuracy and the
use of material contained within this document. The
MontanaFacts&Fun Newsletter, it's publishers and
sponsors will not be liable for damages arising from the
use of this information, including, but not limited to
incidental, punitive, and consequential direct or
indirect, damages.
The
MontanaFun&Facts Newsletter has been serving Montana
for over six years with Wit, Wisdom, Business News and
Entertainment. This e-mail is never sent unsolicited; you
have received The MontanaFun&Facts Newsletter because
you have subscribed to it or someone has forwarded it to
you. To remove yourself from this list (or to add
yourself to the list if this message was forwarded to
you),
CLICK HERE! * Editor
Del Lonnquist
Thanks.
May good fortune smile on you the whole week through! Ed.
©.Partners
of Success 2003. All rights reserved.
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"Opportunity
is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work."
Thomas Edison
***
Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say
when your kids are teenagers
don't reach them till they're in their 40s.
***
Self-esteem
is the reputation we
acquire with ourselves.
***
Laughter is
inner jogging. Norman Cousins
***
Love is
like an hourglass, with the heart filling up
as the brain empties.
Jules Renard,
***
If a train
station is
where the train stops,
what is a work station?
***
Blue jeans:
Very depressed chromosomes.
***
How is a
fisherman like a hypochondriac?
Both have to catch something to be happy.
***
When it
hits you in the head a softball isn't.
***
Laughing
stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
***
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