Montana Facts & Fun Newsletter

Montana Facts&Fun Newsletter
News & Entertainment Weekly   5-9-2005
Our 8th year of publication in Helena, Montana!
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Bad Joke Monday
Save the turtles - don't wax your car
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Do you realize how many holes there could be if people
would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
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   Recycle FREE at www.MontanaFree.com
Buy, Sell, Trade, Give Away   No Fees - No Charges - It's FREE
***
Instructions For Life
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even
though you wish they were.
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Church Sign: "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
  ***
Montana Association for the Blind
2005 State Convention and Low Vision Symposium
May 13-15, 2005 Red Lion Colonial Hotel, Helena Montana
No Charge - Plan now to attend this FREE Event
For Full Schedule Of Events - Click Here
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Jokes We Shared While Driving Home From the Grand Opening
Of The Fort Peck Dinosaur Museum & Interpretive Center

Q: Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum?              A: Because they can't afford new ones!
Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ?             A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks !
Q: Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm?                     A: Because it was an early bird!
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? A: Hello, hello!

Thoughts Worth Thinking Again
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The higher type of man clings to virtue, the lower type of man clings to material comfort.
The higher type of man cherishes justice,
the lower type of man cherishes the hope of favors to be received.
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Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. Harvey Fierstein
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At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable. Christopher Reeve
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The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed,
a new continent unexplored,
a world of possibilites waiting to be released and channeled
toward some great good. Brian Tracy
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When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in
our life, or in the life of another. Helen Keller
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We need a renaissance of wonder. We need to renew, in our hearts and
in our souls, the deathless dream, the eternal poetry, the perennial
sense that life is miracle and magic. E. Merrill Root
***
OWIM (Oh Well It's Monday)
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PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
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Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!
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Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope)
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For Writers Only
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that,
but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain
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"Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way." E.L. Doctorow
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"Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief,
is more powerful in the mature than in the young." W. Somerset Maugham
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"Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love, but only with distaste,
it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple
and take alms from those who work with joy." Kahlil Gibran
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"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader,
not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon." E.L. Doctorow
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Service Tip Of The Week
"He is able who thinks he is able."
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Oh Thank You. Thank You, I needed to know this:
The squid and the octupus each have 2 gills, 2 kidneys, and 3 hearts.
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Remember May 17th, Syttende Mai Is Norwegian Independence Day!
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Jokes That Go Over Like A Lead Balloon
Pobody's Nerfect!
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A self-addressed envelope would be addressed to "Envelope," right?
***
Fly the Flag. Every day is Veteran's Day
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How much Travel & Money do your representatives get from Lobbyists
This website will give you the latest figures available
http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/congtravel/
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Classics From the Capital City
Samuel L. Southard (1787-1842) served as Secretary of the Army,
Secretary of the Navy, and Secretary of the Treasury simultaneously
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Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead,
now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults. Thomas Szasz
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We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex
but Congress can. Cullen Hightower
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The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies
but also to hate his friends. Friedrich Nietzsche
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Before he catapulted to fame, Bob Dylan was paid $50 in 1960 for
playing the harmonica on a Harry Belafonte album.
<><* ><>
Proverbs 27:8
Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.
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The Fortune Cookie
The library card takes you to exotic, faraway places, but only if it's used.
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Here's a great local web site: Cowboy Entertainer Magazine
An E-Zine by Western Entertainers for Western Entertainers
Larry Gibson web site has everything you ever wanted to know about
Cowboy singers and entertainers. http://www.cowboyentertainer.com/
Take a long look at this one. You'll enjoy it.
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KOOL - Keep it Out Of Landfill
Recycle it at www.MontanFree.com
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The Final Word From Treebranch
Pun Alert! Pun Alert! These Are Bad Puns. Very Bad!
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Q. How do you attract a vegetarian?
A. Make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
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Q. Which is worth more...an old ten dollar bill or a new one?
A. An old ten dollar bill is always worth more than a new ONE.
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How to solve U.S. election delimmas...Next Election: Scratch and Win!
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A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative
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Alarms: What an octopus is.
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Montana Information
http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/30000.html
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101 Local, State & National News & Information Sources

MONTANA INFO
Click Here To Contact:
Montana Official Web Site

Montana Legislature 2005

Montana Road Reports

Montana Road Cameras

Montana Road/Pass Closures

Montana Ski Conditions

Montana City To City Distance

Montana Quick Facts

Montana State Officials

All Sport Stadium Blankets

Amsoil Products

Auto Concepts

Benjamin Moore Paint Store

Davisson, Ron & Lorna

Deer-D-Fence

Eric Wordal
Masterpiece Portraits

Lewis & Clark County
Humane Society

Mike Logan Cowboy Poet

Identity Theft Bob Pancich

Scuba Dive Montana

Steve Skains Flooring

Team Skains

Tizer Gardens

Townsend Personal Care

Wildlife Woodcarving

Woody's Car Wash

Montana Distance Calculator
Quickly Calculate Distance Between Major Montana Cities
Enter two cities and up comes the answer.
For Example:
The distance from Anaconda to Wolf Point is 494 miles.
Libby to Baker is 711 miles.

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May good fortune smile on you the whole week through! Treebranch
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