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January 21 2008  Our 11th year of service in Montana * Today's Montana News

         Bad Joke Monday
                  How Cold Was It?    It was so cold that ...
... When we parked the dog sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!
... Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
... Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried and begging to use the pressure cooker!
... Richard Simmons started wearing pants!

    Instructions For Life
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. 
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.  Jack London

Fifty Cents an Hour The Builders and Boomtowns of the Fort Peck Dam 
by Helena author/historian Lois Lonnquist.
For information visit MtSky Press.com or www.FortPeckBoomtowns.com or call 406-495-9554.

   Quote Of The Week
The important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part.
The essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.  Baron de Coubertin, The Olympic Creed

Motivation CD - Fantastic Morning  By Del Lonnquist 
Read what America's Leaders & Entertainers have said about Del

   Thoughts While Watching The Cold Weather Forecasts

When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements about which one can never be sure.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. Alice Hoffman

Time for the weather report. It's cold out folks. Bonecrushing cold. 
The kind of cold which will wrench the spirit out of a young man, or forge it into steel.  Diane Frolov

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction
listen to weather forecasts and economists?  Kelvin Throop III

Don't knock the weather. 
If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.  Kin Hubbard

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, 
when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.  Michael Pritchard

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.  Robert Frost

The virtues which keep this world sweet 
and the faithfulness which keeps it steadfast are chiefly those of the average man.  W. Russell Bowie

None will improve your lot If you yourself do not.  Bertolt Brecht

   Good Service Tip(s) Of The Week
I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you 
who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. Albert Schweitzer:

A man is truly ethical only when he obeys the compulsion to help all life which he is able to assist, 
and shrinks from injuring anything that lives.  Albert Schweitzer:

   Classics From The Capital City - How Cold Was It?
It was so cold that ...
Words froze in the air. 
If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

We had to stop eating with metal cutlery. 
Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!

The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

Kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pajamas haven't thawed out yet!"

Pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!

The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

We had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

When we milked the cows, we got ice cream!
                     ><>  <><
                    Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
                    ><>  <><
Montana Facts & Fun Web Site Of The Month:   Fort Peck Boomtowns 
The Builders and Boomtowns of the Fort Peck Dam by Helena author/historian Lois Lonnquist.
For information visit MtSky Press  MtSkyPress.com

   Oh Thank You. Thank You, I needed to know this!
Did you hear about the Chocolate marketing firm that purchased the mailing list of a weight loss organization?
Sales sky rocketed!

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

   Jokes that go over like a lead balloon
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Montanans plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in Plentywood.
40 above zero: Import cars won’t start. Montanans drive with the sunroof open.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. Men in Helena are still wearing summer shorts.
20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats & mittens. 
                       Montanans throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. 
                        People in Missoula have one last cookout before it gets cold.

           Affordable Web Page Design  439-4217

     OWIM (Oh Well It’s Monday) 
Physics Joke - Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

     The Writer's Block Favorite Proverbs
A bad cause requires many words. German Proverb

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. Arab Proverb

A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush.  English Proverb

A broken hand works, but not a broken heart. Persian Proverb

 A clear conscience is a soft pillow. German Proverb

A close friend can become a close enemy.  Ethiopian Proverb

A closed mouth catches no flies. Italian Proverb

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs. German Proverb

   101 Local - Regional - National - World Wide News Links

   Fortune Cookies
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents for a minute and look around.

Love comes from people's hearts God made the hearts.

   What They Are Saying
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

From long familiarity, we know what honor is. It is what enables the individual to do right
in the face of complacency and cowardice. It is what enables the soldier to die alone, the political prisoner to resist,
the singer to sing her song, alone, on a side street, unappreciated. Mark Helprin

My motto was to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, 
the only thing to do was to keep swinging. Hank Aaron

Individual commitment to a group effort, makes a team work, a company work, a society work,
 a civilization work. Vince Lombardi, Worlds Greatest Football Coach

Happiness is something you get as a by-product in the process of making something else. Aldous Huxley

Happiness is mostly a by-product of doing what makes us feel fulfilled.  Dr. Spock

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(The Small Print) Copyright 2005, The Montana Facts & Fun . All rights reserved. Information in this document is provided without warranty of any kind, expressed or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranties of, fitness for a particular purpose and freedom from infringement. The user assumes the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of material contained within this document. The Montana Facts & Fun, it's publishers and sponsors will not be liable for damages arising from the use of this information, including, but not limited to incidental, punitive, and consequential direct or indirect, damages.  
May good fortune smile on you the whole week through! Treebranch
 ©.Partners of Success 2007. All rights reserved

Freedom Force Weather:
Bagdad | Sarajevo Ramstein
Kabul Yokota Air Base-Japan
Kunsan Air Base Korea 
Shepherd Air Force Base-TX Elmendorf Air Force Base-AK
U.S.A. Weather

Good  Local Web Sites
Aaron's Log Furniture * Abbey Carpet * Steve Skains Flooring * Advanced Spinal Fitness * Amsoil Products

Bob Pancich PrePaid Legal  Service
Buglin' Bull Press * Campfire Culture
Roland Cheek BLOG
Cowboy Poet Mike Logan
Deer-D-Fence * H & H Trikes Inc.
Greenway Enterprises Tizer Gardens
Northwest Trikes & Sidecars 

  Good Web Sites
Fort Peck Boomtowns
Written By Jas Chemo Heads .com
JCTV Ch 34 * JoniRodgers.com
MtSky.com * YNOP Radio
Need Him? * The Bible * 

101 Local, State & National News
& Information Sources

  AARP Drivers Safety Classes
Get a discount on your 
auto insurance - Drive Safely

Motivation CD - Fantastic Morning 
By Del Lonnquist  
Read what America's Leaders & Entertainers have said about Del

Affordable Web Page Design
Call 439-4217

Snafu Haiku

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless others exist

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again

The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it is gone.
***
Every man needs a wife because
there are a number of things
that go wrong that one cannot blame
on the government.
***
Two fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says to them, "Get out.
We don't serve your type here."

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs,
instead of tugs.
Shel Silverstein

***
Belief like any other moving body follows the path of least resistance.
Samuel Butler

***
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo
in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow
which runs across the grass
and loses itself in the sunset.
Crowfoot,
Native American warrior and orator (1821-1890)

It was so cold...
the kids had to stay inside all
weekend.
Parents are now organizing a
 "teacher appreciation day".

It was so cold...
weathermen were threatening to
keep it that way until they got a raise!

It was so cold...
we were afraid that Hell
actually was freezing over!

It was so cold . . .
we could only annoy people
indoors with these dumb jokes!

Stay warm and have a
fantastic week.

Ed.