Bad Joke Monday
To
the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.
To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
He was so clumsy he could trip
over a cordless phone
Instructions For Life
Genuine security arises from actual, first-hand knowledge
that one is both capable and worthy
of achieving happiness (through conscious, responsible action) and, once having
attained it,
that he deserves it. Michael J. Hurd
Quote Of The Week MY
WISH TO YOU...
May your happiness increase like gasoline
prices!
May your sorrows fall like the value of the American dollar!
And may your joys fill your heart like bonus' paid to CEO's of large American
companies!
Have a wonderful Day (Thanks To Harry Fisher - Billings)
Thoughts While
Visiting the
White Sulphur Springs Health Fair The greatest wealth is health.
Virgil
It's no coincidence that four of the six
letters in health are "heal." Ed Northstrum
The trouble with always trying to preserve
the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do
without destroying the health of the mind. G.K. Chesterton
There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their
health that
they haven't the time to enjoy it. Josh Billings
I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not
too ill
and is not obliged to work till one is better. Samuel Butler
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds
if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. Doug Larson
Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being,
and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. World Health
Organization
Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway. Author Unknown
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
~Author Unknown
The best six doctors anywhere, And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend If only you are willing
Your mind they'll ease Your will they'll mend
And charge you not a shilling. Wayne Fields
He who takes medicine and neglects to diet wastes the skill of his doctors.
Chinese Proverb
Place
A Link To Your Web Site Here! $100 Per Year
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Good Service
Tip Of The Week
When you arrive at
your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone's
day.
As A Rule Of Thumb
(http://rulesofthumb.org/) IDENTIFYING ELEPHANTS
The African elephant has an ear shaped like Africa. The Indian elephant has an
ear shaped like India.
Fifty Cents an Hour
The
Builders and Boomtowns of the Fort Peck Dam by Helena author/historian Lois Lonnquistwww.FortPeckBoomtowns.com
Classics From The Capital City Answers received in Drivers Safety Classes
around the country.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? New
York ...
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same
time? Texas ...
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns
don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? Seattle ...
A: Your car.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive
lawfully? Idaho ...
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? California ...
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if they're cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a
flashing
yellow traffic light? Arkansas
A: The color.
Want something better for the kids?
Western Family TV has it. ><><>< Proverbs 3:3
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart
><><><
A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if
it weren't for the advice of our friends. Kin Hubbard
One of the penalties for
refusing to participate in politics
is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. Plato Click here
to Send us
your favorite quote
Jokes that go over like a lead
balloon
Advertisement for lawn sprinkler system:
"Dew it yourself."
We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.
The great thing about living in a small town is that when you don't know
what you're doing,
someone else does.
Travel is very educational. I can now say, "Kaopectate" in seven
different languages. (OWIM (Oh Well It’s Monday)
News Headlines From The Year 2050 Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
He has got no beef.
Lonnie Lonnquist Comedy HourWebsite
The Writer's Block
YOU KNOW IT’S SPRING ...
When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy,
And the dimpling stream runs laughing by;
When the air does laugh with our merry wit,
And the green hill laughs with the noise of it. Lord Byron
Virtue means doing the right thing,
in relation to the right person, at the right time,
to the right extent, in the right manner, and for the right purpose.
Thus,
to give money away is quite a simple task, but for the act to be virtuous,
the donor must
give to the right
person, for the right purpose, in the right amount,
in the right manner,
and at the right time. Aristotle
Fortune Cookie
To avoid sickness eat less; to
prolong life worry less. Chu Hui Weng
Remember that it's the spirit you bring to the battle that
decides the issue.
If you do not believe in yourself, chances are nobody else will.
What They
Said
From long familiarity, we know what honor is. It is what
enables the individual to do right
in the face of
complacency and cowardice. It is what enables the soldier to die alone,
the
political prisoner to resist, the singer to sing her song, hardly appreciated,
on a side street. Mark
Helprin
Why should I? When somebody insulted Caruso, did he sing an aria for them?
Explaining why he did not hit a motorist after the latter abused him following
an accident. Joe Louis
Any
person capable of angering you becomes your master;
he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him. Epictetus
There is a sense of exhilaration that comes from facing head-on the hard truths
and saying,
"We will never give up. We will never capitulate. It might take a long
time,
but we will find a way to prevail." Jim Collins
Unswerving loyalty to duty, constant devotion to truth,
and a clear conscience
will overcome every discouragement and surely
lead the way to usefulness and high achievement.
Grover Cleveland
Those who turn good (organizations) into great (organizations)
are motivated by
a deep creative urge and an inner compulsion for sheer
unadulterated excellence
for its own sake. Jim Collins
Happiness is mostly a by-product of doing what makes us feel fulfilled.
The
naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie. Ann
Landers
If you want to know what a man is really like,
take notice how he acts when he loses money. New England Proverb
If
you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt,
it means you never take any chances. Julia Sorel
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! Jonathan Winters
Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous
circumstances,
would have lain dormant. Horace
Wisdom comes alone through suffering. Aeschylus
Being defeated is often only a temporary condition.
Giving up is what makes it permanent. Marilyn vos Savant
Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice. Stanley
Horowitz
The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift. Pierre
Corneille
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